Bridal Beware!

I was chatting with a friend from the midwest recently and she was telling me about a friend of hers who is getting married this summer, but there were some reservations concerning the guy she was marrying. After a long conversation, I have a few thoughts on the matter – since wedding season is in full bloom.

Girls, BEFORE you say those vows, keep in mind:

1. The dating/early season of marriage is usually the “honeymoon” period. If the guy isn’t treating you like a queen, respecting you, caring for you, etc, especially RIGHT NOW, during this “honeymoon” period, don’t expect him to change – it usually gets worse. #RedFlag

2. BEWARE of wolves in sheep’s clothing. Guys can “change” to fit a desired mold for a while, but unless the heart is truly changed, they will flip back after the wedding. #RedFlag

3. Just because you made mistakes with him, primarily physically, DOES NOT mean you have to marry that person. There may be guilt, and thus the guy has a “power” over you… but you don’t have to marry the man. God never says that you MUST marry someone if you have gone too far physically. He may have taken your virginity, but it doesn’t mean he gets to take you as his wife. #RedFlag

4. I’m a firm believer that if a guy is currently addicted to porn, has not gotten victory over anger, or is incredibly controlling (keeping you from talking to any other guys but himself, not respecting your parents, spiritual leaders, etc) …. you SHOULD NOT marry the man. At least not now. The biggest lie of the devil is that YOU will change him. You won’t. #RedFlag

5. Don’t settle. He may the only boy that brought you a dandelion and called you pretty. You might feel the most comfortable around him. But that doesn’t make him husband material. A soft side and one who makes you comfortable is great, but rather look for a strong leader with a tender heart. #RedFlag

I have about 30 friends getting married this summer. If any of these red flags are present, please, please don’t SACRIFICE a LIFETIME of misery on the altar of a 30 minute ceremony to save the embarrassment of calling it all off. Calling it off could be your ticket to freedom. Forget the invites, the flowers, the money, etc…. honestly, your friends can probably see more clearly than YOU can and will ALL be relieved if you BOLT.

Am I old school? Sure! Biblical too. I believe marriage is sacred and serious. Marry the right person – it’s a bit of Heaven on earth; Marry the wrong person – it’s a bit of hell on earth. Maybe more than a bit.

It breaks my heart when some of my closest friends, years later, come to me and say, “I ignored the red flags”. But if you are reading this and are single, dating, or engaged, it’s not too late until it’s too late. Can God change hearts and bring repentance, yes. But it’s never a guarantee your man will want to change. So please be careful now, while there is still time. Pray early and pray often – for wisdom, guidance, and the peace which passes all understanding.

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My son lost it

We had told him he only had a few more minutes on the Nintendo Wii (we try to limit screen time), yet when those minutes were up, he lost it. He snapped at me and threw his controller down. He denied any wrongdoing. He didn’t own up to his bad attitude. I talked to him and explained that because of his choices, there would be absolutely no Wii time tomorrow. He stomped off to his room, huffing and shut the door.

Minutes later, he emerged. He walked over and asked me to help him put on his pajamas. He’s 7 years old. He knows how. But in his own way… he was showing his brokenness. He also goes to sleep with no problem. But tonight, he asked that I snuggle him. He just wanted to be with me and wanted to be close to me.

Y’all. We have made choices and decisions in our lives that have been in direct disobedience to God. We’ve talked back. We’ve huffed and puffed and questioned His Word. And we’re miserable. But you know what? God is waiting for us. He is waiting for us to humbly approach the throne of grace. To ask if we could have some help putting on our pajamas because we don’t know how to adequately express our brokenness, but all we know is we so desperately want to be near Him.

Maybe this is you. You’ve screwed your life up and are so far from God that you have no clue how to come back around. God’s waiting. He loves you. Tonight, before you go to sleep…. you don’t need to know the perfect words. Just tell Him you need help putting on your pajamas. That you’re sorry. And that you desire to be near Him and have a relationship with Him again.

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