An Unstable Foundation

I’d like to take a different opinion/angle on these mass shootings. When you take away the arguments of politics, guns, mental illness, etc, I’d like to consider the absolute dysfunction and destruction of families over the past few decades.

Let’s consider it in general, as I am not casting blame.

Whether it’s a matter of dysfunctional, broken families, or parents who are simply not intentional with time, love, and attention – a product is emerging that has no purpose and no hope and no value – or so these children/young adults are led to believe.

The Texas shooter posted on his LinkedIn that he is just getting by. That he guesses he’ll do software development because it seems to suit him best. I hope I’m wrong, but to me he appeared to be your stereotypical “no ambition, sit on the couch and play video games all day” type of guy.

I may be stepping on some toes, but that’s a parenting problem.

It’s a parenting problem to not teach your kid ambition. It’s a parenting problem to not teach your kid hard work. It’s a parenting problem to allow your kid to sit on screens all day.

But that’s the issue. It’s hard work to parent and be intentional with parenting.

At the end of the day, do I know all the details? No.

At the end of the day, do I know his home life was the issue? No.

At the end of the day, was he at fault? Yes.

At the end of the day, are we, as parents, responsible to teach and train and love? Yes.

I don’t post this to flippantly add to the outcry and pointing of fingers, but rather to say that the foundation of America is the family. And the devil knows it’s where the attacks are the most affective.

So where do we go from here? We all look inside and say, “What can I do to build up and strengthen my family – our foundation?”

Before you respond, know this. Please. I’m not saying because you are divorced, this happens. I’m not saying your child cannot be raised well and then turn from the truth. I’m not saying that video games are the reason. Or guns. Or donkeys. Or elephants.

Just consider this angle: Without a reason to live, without hope, and without purpose, you are capable of destruction.

Please consider your time. Do you come home from work and selfishly do what you want to do and let your kid sit there, alone, with headphones on their ears, mindlessly playing games for hours on end because no one makes them feel important, or loved, or inspired to do anything?

They’re skilled. They’re important. They’re valuable. But do they know that? Have you told them?

I can promise you this. God forbid that’s ever my son on the Walmart security cameras, but if it were, I would look back and take a lot of responsibility.

So the next time you hear people say to hug your kids and love on them because they could be the next victim, think about hugging them, loving them, and being intentional with them as parents, because they could be the next killer.

That’s hard to read isn’t it? It’s hard for me to think about that.

I close with this.

Maybe you were burned by church. Perhaps you were hurt by religion. Don’t let that keep you from teaching your kids about God. About a personal relationship, not a religion, with Jesus Christ.

NO Jesus, NO hope; KNOW Jesus, KNOW hope. ❤️

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Bridal Beware!

I was chatting with a friend from the midwest recently and she was telling me about a friend of hers who is getting married this summer, but there were some reservations concerning the guy she was marrying. After a long conversation, I have a few thoughts on the matter – since wedding season is in full bloom.

Girls, BEFORE you say those vows, keep in mind:

1. The dating/early season of marriage is usually the “honeymoon” period. If the guy isn’t treating you like a queen, respecting you, caring for you, etc, especially RIGHT NOW, during this “honeymoon” period, don’t expect him to change – it usually gets worse. #RedFlag

2. BEWARE of wolves in sheep’s clothing. Guys can “change” to fit a desired mold for a while, but unless the heart is truly changed, they will flip back after the wedding. #RedFlag

3. Just because you made mistakes with him, primarily physically, DOES NOT mean you have to marry that person. There may be guilt, and thus the guy has a “power” over you… but you don’t have to marry the man. God never says that you MUST marry someone if you have gone too far physically. He may have taken your virginity, but it doesn’t mean he gets to take you as his wife. #RedFlag

4. I’m a firm believer that if a guy is currently addicted to porn, has not gotten victory over anger, or is incredibly controlling (keeping you from talking to any other guys but himself, not respecting your parents, spiritual leaders, etc) …. you SHOULD NOT marry the man. At least not now. The biggest lie of the devil is that YOU will change him. You won’t. #RedFlag

5. Don’t settle. He may the only boy that brought you a dandelion and called you pretty. You might feel the most comfortable around him. But that doesn’t make him husband material. A soft side and one who makes you comfortable is great, but rather look for a strong leader with a tender heart. #RedFlag

I have about 30 friends getting married this summer. If any of these red flags are present, please, please don’t SACRIFICE a LIFETIME of misery on the altar of a 30 minute ceremony to save the embarrassment of calling it all off. Calling it off could be your ticket to freedom. Forget the invites, the flowers, the money, etc…. honestly, your friends can probably see more clearly than YOU can and will ALL be relieved if you BOLT.

Am I old school? Sure! Biblical too. I believe marriage is sacred and serious. Marry the right person – it’s a bit of Heaven on earth; Marry the wrong person – it’s a bit of hell on earth. Maybe more than a bit.

It breaks my heart when some of my closest friends, years later, come to me and say, “I ignored the red flags”. But if you are reading this and are single, dating, or engaged, it’s not too late until it’s too late. Can God change hearts and bring repentance, yes. But it’s never a guarantee your man will want to change. So please be careful now, while there is still time. Pray early and pray often – for wisdom, guidance, and the peace which passes all understanding.

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My son lost it

We had told him he only had a few more minutes on the Nintendo Wii (we try to limit screen time), yet when those minutes were up, he lost it. He snapped at me and threw his controller down. He denied any wrongdoing. He didn’t own up to his bad attitude. I talked to him and explained that because of his choices, there would be absolutely no Wii time tomorrow. He stomped off to his room, huffing and shut the door.

Minutes later, he emerged. He walked over and asked me to help him put on his pajamas. He’s 7 years old. He knows how. But in his own way… he was showing his brokenness. He also goes to sleep with no problem. But tonight, he asked that I snuggle him. He just wanted to be with me and wanted to be close to me.

Y’all. We have made choices and decisions in our lives that have been in direct disobedience to God. We’ve talked back. We’ve huffed and puffed and questioned His Word. And we’re miserable. But you know what? God is waiting for us. He is waiting for us to humbly approach the throne of grace. To ask if we could have some help putting on our pajamas because we don’t know how to adequately express our brokenness, but all we know is we so desperately want to be near Him.

Maybe this is you. You’ve screwed your life up and are so far from God that you have no clue how to come back around. God’s waiting. He loves you. Tonight, before you go to sleep…. you don’t need to know the perfect words. Just tell Him you need help putting on your pajamas. That you’re sorry. And that you desire to be near Him and have a relationship with Him again.

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Coming up short

I’m numb.

I gave everything and still came up short.

It’s a terrible and sickening feeling. One that eats and eats at your very soul. Giving everything and still coming up short is not easy to swallow. Twelve months of sacrifices and pure grit and hustle suddenly seem meaningless and you begin to mentally scratch and claw to figure out how it could happen. How it could end this way.

I’m referring to my career in sales. I sell new home construction, and all of us sales reps have one goal in mind each year – to hit President’s Club. President’s Club is determined by achieving a certain percentage above what you are supposed to sell in a given year. Without going into much detail, it equates to a $20,000 bump in pay the following year.

I was blessed to achieve this goal my rookie year, and was motivated even more to re-qualify my second year (2018). After my sales partner left to move to another market back in April, I was determined more than ever. I was alone and it was all on me to make it happen. Over the next 9 months, I pushed hard – sacrificing personal time and family time.

For me, it was all about my family. As the sole provider, I needed the bump in pay to help pay off medical bills and to get us back to being debt free. Though there were many hurdles to overcome, I was bound and determined to make it happen. And I was all in! Down to the wire. Writing sales on December 31. But would it be enough?

My office manger was a gem and ran the numbers late on New Year’s Eve. The email arrived in my inbox, and I opened it. All I remember seeing were the words, “Kent, I am so sorry. You came up ONE sale short”

One sale.

I immediately resonated with those sports players who have experienced an excruciating loss by ONE point, or ONE goal, or by ONE run. Imagine a Major League baseball player sweating and hustling through 162 regular season games to lose by merely ONE run and miss the playoffs – or even worse yet – lose by ONE run in the World Series.

But as cruel as the game of life can be sometimes, a loss is a loss. And coming up a sale short, is a sale short.

So I type this as a testament and a reminder to myself as to why I exist. And that is to give glory to God for His goodness in my life. Though I feel like sitting here in disappointment and despair, I choose to praise Him for a very successful year despite not being back in President’s Club. Most of all, I’m thankful for my buyers who have become friends, and my fellow reps and office staff who are absolutely wonderful, and for my wife and kids who lift me up and who are literally everything I need.

So in the moment, though incredibly disappointed, I thank God for giving me a great career, opportunities to help make dreams come true, and the ability to provide for my family.

How about you? Have you ever experienced coming up short in something you have worked so hard for? I’d love to hear about it!

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One Year.

It’s been one year since I left Chick-fil-A. I remember September 9th, 2016, well. My team surprised me with cakes, cards, and banners strung across the ceiling over the order line. So many friends came to see me off that day, including my family, my operator, guests that had become family, and even Buffalo Bills fullback, Mike Tolbert and his family – a family with whom I had built a relationship through a little window on the side of the chicken coop.

People often ask, “Do you miss it?! Are you coming back? Are you going to apply for a store again?” I do miss it, sure. But I’m where God wants me right now. And I believe that is the BEST place to be – where God has you NOW. Will I ever apply again? I don’t know. Right now I’m focused on being the best Sales and Marketing Representative for Ryan Homes that I can possibly be. We are settling down in Fort Mill, SC, and have a new home church in Harvest Baptist in Rock Hill, SC.

So I write this brief post to say that there is life outside of Chick-fil-A. When you taste and see and are a part of the culture that is Chick-fil-A, it’s hard to leave. Really hard. But when you realize that God always knows best and that He knows what areas of your life need fine-tuning and stretching, He will find a way to move you, in order to better you.

I stepped into a position at Ryan Homes that has stretched me and is stretching me in every way imaginable. I knew very little about sales, blueprints, construction, etc, but I’m learning daily, and growing in knowledge and experience. It’s fun. It’s a challenge. It’s life outside of Chick-fil-A, and it’s ok. Why? Because personal growth doesn’t just happen in a restaurant. It happens where God plants you.

So I challenge you, my fellow Chick-fil-A’ers who have also been turned down for the Leadership Development Program and/or for Owner/Operator: Step out. Step away. Do something new. Stretch yourself. Just because you aren’t wearing Oobe doesn’t mean God can’t use you!

I’ve learned over 36 years to never say never, but only to trust God and His timing. So let’s never stop learning, never stop leaning, never stop loving, and never stop leading. And simply trust that God has amazing things in store for our lives!

Love you all and am so incredibly thankful for you. Oh, and come buy a Ryan Home from me! 🙂

Tolbert

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The End of an Incredible Journey… or is it?

Most of you know by now that this past week brought the news that I will not be moving ahead in my journey to own/operate a Chick-fil-A. At least not now. This news did not devastate me, nor was I angry. I know the system and how it works, and I knew this going in almost 4 years ago. I simply was not competitive enough. Chick-fil-A has 50,000 individuals per year starting the process to become an owner/operator. I made it to step 5 of 7. The top 400 of 50,000 or so. And I am very humbled and grateful to have made it that far. I am in a tough spot at my age. Mid-thirties with a family makes it difficult to be a solid candidate for the Leadership Development Program (on the road living in hotels for about 2 years opening up/running Chick-fil-As around the country), and I am not in my 40’s or 50’s with a wealth of experience from past employment. On paper…. I don’t compete. And I completely understand that from corporate’s point of view.

The only frustrating part is that I don’t know where I fit in…. or how to become THAT competitive. I feel like I have done everything in my power to become prepared to operate a store, and who I am and the endless energy and passion I have for Chick-fil-A would go far beyond simply making a local business profitable. But I am not upset. I know God has a plan, and I know that it is a perfect plan for me and my family. Sometimes it is God’s timing, or sometimes it is a completely new plan – only time will tell.

I want to thank my wife first of all for everything. And by everything, I mean the sacrifices, large and small, that she has made over the past 4 years. She was my biggest cheerleader, and she was ALL IN just as much, if not more, than I was. She is incredibly strong with a heart of gold. She will make an amazing operator’s wife one day, if that is what God wills. I love her dearly and desperately wanted to reach my goal for her. Love you, sweetheart.

Thank you also to the many Operators, Grand Opening Supervisors, trainers, Corporate staff, friends, guests, family, etc who cheered me on since day 1. I never once had someone tell me that I would never make it as an operator, but rather hundreds, if not thousands, telling me to keep going…. that they would love to help me and serve with me one day.

Though I am at peace and trust God with corporate’s decision, guests of mine are crushed. I returned to work this past Friday, and guest after guest walked in shocked – I don’t know if they were more shocked at the decision or that I had a smile on my face. Many operators reached out to me. Some told me they cried, while others expressed that if they had to go through the process today, they would not even make it.

You know what all this tells me? That this journey was not in vain. The people I know now that have impacted me, and that I may have impacted…. I wouldn’t have met them 4 years ago. The massive amount of support and outpouring of love during this journey and after the news came last week has been humbling. I don’t deserve any of this…. but God, in His goodness and grace, allowed me precious time with individuals all across this country. These moments are priceless to me!

I love Chick-fil-A and I will always love Chick-fil-A. As of now, I am still serving at my local CFA as a director working 50-55 hours a week. And until God moves me, that is where I will be. Is the journey over? I honestly don’t think so. I try to force myself to lose the desire to own my own store… and then I clock in and do life with my team, and after hugs and high fives and accomplishing goals together…. I realize I can’t stop pursuing my dream. It’s what I do. It’s who I am.

Many have asked if I am upset or mad. Almost telling me with their eyes and tone of voice that it would be ok to say yes. But no. I am at peace. I am at peace knowing that God is good all the time. Never is He NOT good. And though people all around the chain know I would make a tremendous operator, the one person who could say no, did say no. And they did their job well. They have to make sure they choose the best fit for every opportunity. To play God and to judge their decision would be foolish. To trust God and wait on His will and timing is obedience. So I choose to obey. I choose to wait. I choose to continue to be full of joy. I choose to keep on serving faithfully.

I leave you with this story from this past Saturday.

A mom and her little girl were getting into line to order when I walked by them to grab something from outside. She stopped me and told me that she had used me as an example when teaching her kids a lesson that week. I recognized the mom, but didn’t know her personally. She went on to explain that her 9th grade boy was telling her how his friends in the same grade were out partying/drinking and making poor decisions. Her son then said that he doesn’t have to hang out with that crowd and wants to make wise decisions. I bent down and asked the little girl what the mom had said about me. The little girl looked up at me and said, “Mommy said that she wants me to marry someone like you one day”. I was shocked, as I had never spoken to them before. The mom then began to tear up and told me that she can tell simply by the way I serve people in the restaurant that I am someone that she wants her boys to look up to and her daughter to marry. It was all I could do not to get all emotional! WOW! Do I deserve those comments? No. Any good in me is by the grace of God alone. But God used that instance, just mere days after receiving a “no” answer, to keep that flame burning inside of me.

To you that have followed this journey…. thank you! You are appreciated far more than you will ever know. I truly hope this isn’t the end. I have insane faith that it is not. In fact, I  check my email throughout the day thinking that I will receive one saying that they have changed their minds and have a store for me. But if that day never comes, I thank God that He used CFA to bring you into my life. May God bless you. #JUSTTRUETT

 

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I was SHOCKED by God…. but I shouldn’t have been.

What I am about to tell you, will shock you. In an awesome way. But it shouldn’t shock us…. For the past couple of years, I have been driving an old, green 1995 Toyota Tercel with a broken speedometer and a broken odometer. It leaks some oil and doesn’t change gears until the first mile of the day has been driven. I was content with the car. Proudly displaying my Chick-fil-A license plate on the front bumper while using the car as my daily driver to and from work. However, I never carry my kids in that vehicle. There isn’t much room, and I don’t feel it’s a safe vehicle as it’s so small and doesn’t drive through rain that well without hydroplaning. But it was okay for me! I was thankful for transportation, and the gas mileage was tremendous (that gauge still worked).

Yesterday, I was sitting at my computer on Craigslist looking at cars and thinking that it would be nice to have a bit newer car that I could drive that could also accommodate my kids if I needed to take one child and my wife the other. I thought about finances and how money isn’t growing on trees these days… and I definitely didn’t want to touch the money I set aside for my CFA operator fee. Then I remembered something my mom always told me growing up. “Pray specifically that God would provide what you need…. pray that someone will GIVE you a car”… she would say. I kind of chuckled when I remembered that, and though I felt kind of silly, honestly, I prayed that someone would give me a car. I went to work not thinking about it at all, as it wasn’t really a pressing need, per se, just a desire of my heart.

I was about to climb into bed last night around 10:30pm when I received a private message on Facebook from a person that I had met only once in life. In a nutshell, the message said that they had recently upgraded vehicles, and God had told them to give their old vehicle to me…. WHAT!? I read on. It was a 2003 Toyota Highlander. Safe. Room for kids. Reliable. WHAT?! Toyota?? I LOVE Toyota. My mind was racing. It was hard to comprehend it all. You mean to say that I prayed a prayer that morning that someone would give me a car, and by that evening, out of the blue, someone not knowing that I prayed that prayer messages me and wants to give me their vehicle?!

Beyond the incredible answer to my car situation was the fact that at a time where work had been tough, and though I believe I am on the right path with CFA… God, through direct answer to prayer, confirmed in my heart that I am indeed walking the way in which He wants me to go. Shocking?? YES! But what a rebuke. Answer to prayer SHOULDN’T be shocking. God still answers prayer!! Oh me of little faith.

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I’m an open book, and you all play a key role in the story!

I am an open book. Simple as that. The world knows 90% of what goes on in my life. Why? Because, as someone who absolutely stinkin’ loves people… I believe you, and others reading this, play an incredibly important role in my story. Each and every person I meet shapes me in some way or the other.

While many may choose to privately walk the Chick-fil-A journey, I want to share it with you. I am where I am today, and who I am today because of you… and it’s an honor and privilege to include you along the way.

I believe in the power of prayer, and I believe that God has a very specific will for my life. I also specifically feel called to be a Chick-fil-A operator. So I include you, my friend. I include you because I have spent time serving alongside of you, kept in touch via social media, celebrated with you, prayed for you, and loved you.

So I humbly ask for prayer. We head to Kalispell, Montana for a little vacation next week, and Lord willing, I am going to hunker down in the Colter Coffee Shop and begin the application process. I have never applied for a store before, and I need clarity of thought as I seek to put on digital paper my heart for Chick-fil-A and how and why I will take the brand to the next level.

I am confident in God and the timing. I know His will will be accomplished no matter what the outcome. And I thank you, friend, for riding along with us… for loving us… for supporting us… and most of all, for praying for us.

It means the world!! God bless you.

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This is all about you, God!

About a year ago or so, I joked that before our new Chick-fil-A in Indian Trail opens for business, we should join hands, completely surround the building, dedicate it to God, and have a plane fly over and get pictures…. I thought it was far fetched. But thanks to Dean Sandbo, Wayne Potter, JAARS and their helicopter… it became a reality. Can’t believe it has almost been a year! Excited to attend Certified Trainer Class this week in Atlanta and continue to grow in my journey at Chick-fil-A!

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